🧠 What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own memory, feelings, or sanity.
Gaslighting is emotional abuse that is invisible — there are no bruises, no raised voices, just a slow erosion of your confidence in your own mind. The term comes from a 1944 film where a husband dims the gaslights and then tells his wife she is imagining it. In relationships, it is one of the most dangerous forms of control because the victim often blames themselves.
How Gaslighting Works
A gaslighter systematically rewrites reality to make you question your own perceptions. It often starts subtly — dismissing your feelings as oversensitive, denying things they said, or minimising events you clearly remember. Over time, the cumulative effect makes you so uncertain of your own judgment that you start depending on the abuser to tell you what is real. This is deliberate — it keeps you unable to trust yourself enough to leave.
Common Examples in Indian Families
Gaslighting in Indian households often looks like: "You are too sensitive, this is just how our family talks." / "I never said that, you are making things up again." / "Your own parents agree with me — ask them." / "You are crazy if you think I was flirting." / "You only feel this way because your friends are putting ideas in your head." / "I do everything for this family and you complain about nothing." / "In our culture, this is normal. What is your problem?" The cultural expectation of female sacrifice makes Indian women more vulnerable to accepting gaslighting as normal.
Signs You Are Being Gaslighted
You may be experiencing gaslighting if you: constantly second-guess yourself before speaking; apologise frequently without knowing what you did wrong; feel confused or 'crazy' after conversations with this person; make excuses for your partner's behaviour to friends and family; feel like you used to be more confident and happy; frequently ask yourself 'Am I being unreasonable?' Check: does this feeling only happen with one specific person? That is a strong signal.
The Long-Term Damage
Sustained gaslighting causes anxiety, depression, and a condition called trauma bonding — where you feel intensely loyal to the person harming you. Many women leave abusive relationships and still hear their abuser's voice in their head telling them they are wrong. Recovery requires rebuilding trust in your own perceptions, often with the help of a therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse.
What You Can Do
Start keeping a private journal — dates, exact words, what happened. When gaslighting is ongoing, your written record becomes an anchor to reality. Confide in one trusted person outside the relationship. Do not try to 'prove' gaslighting to the gaslighter — they will deny it and use your attempt against you. If you are in danger, contact iCall (9152987821) or the Women Helpline (181). For emotional support, the anonymous ask box on PurpleGirl is available 24/7.
Key Facts at a Glance
- Gaslighting is a recognised form of domestic abuse
- It affects men and women, but women are statistically more targeted
- Gaslighting often co-occurs with other forms of emotional and physical abuse
- The abuser may not be consciously aware they are doing it
- Leaving a gaslighting relationship is one of the hardest things to do — your self-trust has been damaged
- Recovery is possible with therapy and support