What to Say When Someone Makes a Sexist Comment: Standing Up for Yourself Without Being Confrontational
Reviewed by
PurpleGirl Editorial Team · Reviewed by experienced women writers & researchers
We’ve all been there—standing in the kitchen or sitting in a meeting when someone drops a 'joke' about how women should behave or what we can’t do. You feel that sudden heat in your cheeks, that lump in your throat, and the urge to either snap back or just look away. It’s exhausting to feel like you have to choose between keeping the peace and keeping your self-respect. Take a deep breath, sister. You aren't being 'too sensitive,' and you don't have to stay silent. Let’s learn how to handle these moments with grace and strength.
What You'll Need
- A deep breath to stay calm
- A steady, neutral voice tone
- The courage to hold eye contact
- Patience with yourself
Use the 'Curious Question' Technique
Instead of getting angry, pretend you don't understand the joke. Ask, 'Could you explain what you mean by that?' or 'Why is that funny?' When they are forced to explain the sexism, it highlights how ridiculous or offensive their comment really is. Most people will back down quickly when they have to articulate their bias out loud.
State Your Boundary Clearly
You don't need to argue; you just need to state a fact about your comfort. Use 'I' statements. Say, 'I’m not comfortable with comments like that,' or 'That doesn't sit well with me.' This isn't a debate, so you don't need to explain why you feel that way. It’s your boundary, and you own it.
Don't apologize for feeling uncomfortable. Avoid saying 'I'm sorry, but...'
Have a specific question you can't ask anyone? Ask it anonymously — no name needed.
The Power of the 'Hard Stop'
Sometimes, a short, firm sentence is all you need to change the subject. Simply say, 'Let’s move on from this topic,' or 'That’s not really how I see things,' and immediately start talking about something else. This shows them that their comment didn't get the reaction they wanted and that you are in control of the conversation flow.
"Silence is often seen as agreement; a calm, direct question is the most powerful tool to make them rethink their words."
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